Empathy

I have begun to gain trust and respect for the rest of Ghost Festival.
Even more so after last night, where the removal of my ASRS Implants caught up with me, and I was carried to medical by Celia and Zukko, After revenge for the loss on an Incursus was had , and the degree of control that Ghost Festival Pilots have in space.
I feel... Accepted. It's strange, Even in Asteri Rising people were strictly business. There were few real friendships and much Backstabbing. Even though I've only been here for a few days, PRETA are looking out for me, teaching me, and doing their best to help me fit in.

Onto the more serious matter of my ASRS Implants: I had them removed very shortly after I joined Ghost Festival, but somehow components have found themselves into my head and I seem to be getting... 'withdrawal symptoms'.
I have a horrible feeling that Kyiac. (He no longer deserves his title of Director) may have coded a suicide circuit into the implants of certain members. The majority of people with experitise in Firmware were on his side of the ASRS split, and the small number that were not have lost contact with me.
What sickens me even more was that I once gave the go-ahead to initiate a suicide circuit within a member we considered 'too liberal' He had no clone. I never thought about it at the time, but now it worries me. My behavior in ASRS was cold. Thoughtless killing took place too often, even when there was no need for ISK or self-defense.
The more I think about it, the more I can see how we were doomed to fail from the start. Ghost Festival has helped me put it all behind me now, and I can see hope on the horizon again.

Ghost Festival

Things are looking up again.
Since My last log, I have found help and employment in an... unexpected area. I was offered a position by PRETA. PRETA or Ghost Festival are an experimental project being run by the Cartel to see whether capsuleers can be bought into service by the Cartel as more than mercenaries.
Once I had passed the security checks and shifted what assets I had to their base of operations in the Bleak Lands I retired to my newly furnished apartment on the Tzvi Station. I felt far too tired to mix or interact with my new peers.
Within days of joining I have accumulated a number of kills, and have flown alongside PRETA on several occasions. As I finish this entry I can feel myself relaxing for the first time in weeks.
I think I've found my calling.

Shame

Then Molok the Deceiver sundered the lands and the people suffered floods and plagues conjured by him. Molok turned the people against the sefrim and people who once sang their praise now abhorred them.

Ametat and Avetat 43:13

Amarrian Scriptures

A lot has happened since I last logged an entry here. I have been cast aside by the remaining directorate of Asteri Rising. Barely given time to clear my apartment, I was pursued from the CBD outpost in Qeti by those I once considered my friends and allies. I headed for a quiet bar nearby and considered my options. I needed to disappear, and start again.
I spent Hours spent searching GalNet, hours of my life wasted skimming over trashy recruitment videos and adverts.
Eventually I gave up and drank myself unconscious. I woke up lying in the station corridor a few hours later with my sidearm gone and bruises all up my chest. Thank what gods there are my ISK was wired to my base implants, and, for that matter, my Implants were left alone. I didn't bother reporting it, and headed back to my temporary accommodation, feeling ashamed and sick.
I need to find a way out.

Upset

Well, Asteri Rising is Finally starting to collapse. I don't like to jump ship, but after the war with MO, it's been very stressful for me. The directorate have been pushing for me to leave ever since construction 312 was destroyed anyway.
I also can't help but feel the war could've been avoided.

Posthumanism was dead from the moment Sansha's Dream became a Nightmare. I don't know why we bothered...

On another note, my Ishkur's Pod Interface has been Mysteriously Locking up...

Milo Out.